I have inherited the puppy gene! Growing up, we were never without a canine companion. Our house was not a home without a dog, and our family was not whole without a fur child.
I married a man who did not have dogs growing up, but knew that when meeting me that a dog was a package deal. With that being said, I had always wanted a muscle dog. My father always favored the hunting breeds. We ALWAYS had a Brittany Spaniel. My first dog was Brett. He was a beautiful copper and white spaniel who was so intelligent, loving, and beyond the huntsman that he w
as born to be.
My husband and I resided in an apartment where this young couple had a Boxer. His name was "Cosmo!" My first interaction with him was nothing short of awesome! I immediately fell in love with him and that led me down a journey with the Boxer breed. Just enough muscle in his physique to allow me to feel secure with a heart of gold and goofiness of a clown!
I made a promise to myself that once we bought our first home with a backyard, I would get a Boxer, and that is exactly what we did! We found a fawn boy and immediately fell in love.His name was Buster. Buster was raised with my babies. My first born was six months when we brought Buster home, and they grew up together, I immediately got pregnant with my son and I remember going in to labor one night. Buster was at my side. He sensed his mommy was in pain and sat still while I held him tightly through my contractions. He was like a real life medicine ball!
Sadly, Buster encountered a rare medical condition. Some sort of spinal cord damage that interrupted his brain to tell his bladder to release urine. The journey was short but heartbreaking. We tried everything to stimulate that nerve, but all efforts proved to fail leading Buster to cross over the rainbow bridge. My heart was broken.
As time moved on, we healed. We collectively decided to open our hearts to another Boxer. I wanted another boy. I am not sure why I gravitate more to the males, but I do. There are no rhymes or reasons, I just wanted another Boxer boy. I found a wonderful breeder who corresponded with me daily while my fur baby was in the womb of his mama. The night she gave birth, I felt like I gave birth to a third child!
That was when Maximus came into our lives and changed them all for the better. Just like Buster, he was strong, smart, lovable and goofy. That is a Boxer for ya! Maximus became "Max", "Doogle Butt" "Doogs" and as his senior years approached he was my "Mr. Doogs!" To say he was a mama's boy would be an understatement. He was my shadow, my courage, my weakness, and my strength. He had my heart.
I battled a sudden and hard loss in my life. My Dad. The hardest hit I had ever felt. I could not navigate my life. I felt as if it just stopped. I stepped into a living nightmare. A fog that I could not clear. I struggled with depression and anxiety daily. I lost a great amount of weight and fought everyday to get better. Nothing was working, the grief was winning. I battled with the pain, but the pain got greater and the weight of it all got heavier. For months, I was not myself. I did not feel like me nor did I look like me, but the one sure thing that I had by side 24/7 was my "Doogs". He knew that I wasn't well, and shared the burden. I know that if he could have taken it all from me and put on to him? He would have done that immediately. I owed him so much. Do not get me wrong, I had the support of my husband and my kids, but I could feel that they were worried about me and feared for me. Maximus knew that I could get myself out of it with him by my side. Eventually, I did. When I did, Max began to get sick. He had growths on his legs, chest, and other areas of his beautiful physique. I owed it to him to fight, and fight we did. Sadly, we lost the battle and I watched my special fur baby get sicker. I knew it was time to let him go and not selfishly hold on to him because I wanted him with me. I never imagined a life without my Max. I never even wanted to think about him not being by my side. He never left mine so I never wanted to leave his. The day that we made the decision to allow him the dignity to leave his sick body was the day I knew that I lost my soulmate. My saving grace. My powerful energy that was inside of me while grieving my dad. All that I could do was pray to my dad to come and get him, and I begged my dad to wait at the light for him and take him to play ball, Frisbee (which was his favorite thing), and walks. A part of me felt serenity in knowing that my Dad would be there to take him and show him Heaven. They will be waiting for me when it is my time. Buster too!
As Max was closing his eyes to take the journey to Heaven, I just kept whispering in his ear "I love you, and THANK YOU, THANK YOU, Thank YOU". There aren't enough thank yous in the world to say to him for being there for me through my hardest loss, and than he past. Coming home to his empty bed, and seeing the frisbee in my yard just broke me, and I found myself in that all too familiar place of grief. The hardest journey is grief. It is indescribable but defined enough to just make you hate the world.
So once again, I found myself feeling lost and emotional. All valid feelings of grief, and nobody in the house could even think of allowing another dog in to our home, but my thoughts went there. When thinking of a new puppy, my heart felt healing and a smile cracked upon my face while a tear dripped down my eye. Nonetheless, I knew that my Max wanted me to be happy again. He knows that I have enough love in my heart to share it with a pup without feeling like I have forgotten about him or Buster. Those boys can never nor will ever be forgotten. They have left pawprints on my heart and are now my guardian angels. I now how my third Boxer boy. "Zeke" meaning "God strengthens." I can tell you right now just how much Zeke has strengthened my weakened heart from all of the loss that I have suffered. My guardian angels (Dad, Buster, and Max) have sent him to me. I feel it in my entire being. He is their gift to me, to us. Our family is now hole again and our house that felt so hollow now feels solid again. We are blessed. Zeke is a dream come true after the nightmares. Share your hearts, share your homes, and never feel like being happy is wrong.
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