Did you ever have one of those days, months, weeks, and for some, an entire year of bad news? I had hoped that 2011 would be a favorable year for me, and those whom I love. However, it seems to be just the opposite. This may not be targeted at all who read this post, and for that percentage, I say "Great for you!" To the others who have been dealt a crummy hand, I feel deplored for you.
I almost always try to keep an open-mind, and become semi-religious when bad things happen. I always find myself saying, "God has a reason", or "Why is God punishing me?" Half of me does believe that, while the other half questions my faith anyway. Although we live each day nearly the exact same as the day before, we seem to focus on the worst days, and nearly ever look back on a good day. Some days we get caught up in a disillusion. A notion in our heads that life is suppose to be one way. When that one way goes in several different directions, we tend to lose focus, and fall into a darkened trap. We do not know how to get ourselves out of it, so we dwell on it, because letting go, and just breathing would be to simple of an answer! I rarely question why the good things happen, and always question the bad. I look for answers that are never given. I look for signs, and there is never an entity in my presence to move a picture, blink the lights, or scare me with a whisper! Now that's deep!
So, in all probability, life is generated in a natural process. We know how a human, animal, or any living thing is created. Reproduction. We almost scientifically know that each life is genetically induced into its very own blood-line. All of that stated, is life a blessing or is it a test of a larger sort? Is it some worldly scientific experiment from a greater being?
Nevertheless, I embrace my surroundings and everyone in my medium. I love like I can never love again, and I cherish a memory or ten (okay, probably more!) and I do hurt. I shed a tear when I am bruised, and I cry so hard when I say "Good bye." I rarely find closure in good byes, and I harbor resentment where I have been scarred. I am merely a human, and much more, I am a coward when it comes to illness and disease. Any condition that can justify itself by removing you or a loved one from this earth is to be feared. I find it most challenging to see someone you love suffer a fate that is relentless.
This past week, I was subjected to a compound of emotions. I was faced with pain, suffering, anger, hurt, and loss. These cruel , acute feelings were in-line. They were awaiting their army of attacks to my heart. I found it hard to focus, as my mind and heart were compelled to find an answer to everything headed my way, and what had already passed through. Most things that were out of my control, were my hardships. I needed to regain my self-control, and direct my self-pity to face facts, make choices, and follow through.
Other things that were outside of the realm of "normal", I had to find my strengths, and benevolence to be who I truly know I am. I am a Mom, Wife, Daughter, Sister, and Friend. All five titles are of the utmost value to me. These five appellations are the things that assure me of my strengths. I have the courage because I am Mom, femininity because I am wife, admiration because I am daughter, trust because I am sister, and loyalty because I am friend.
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